The fire of anger

In the past few years I get less angry for some reason. In my teens and twenties I used to get angry quite often, yet it seems to have muted down with the years. So many times the fire of anger will burn everything inside, and erupt in full force with destructive words and actions. So many times, I got very angered, lost control, and then couldn't take back, or correct, the results of my deeds or communication.
As the years pass I notice that the frequency, as well as the process of dealing with anger had changed quite a bit; in most cases I choose to keep my anger inside, and not allow an external manifestation, in form of natural reaction to my feeling. I often have violent, degrading and vicious thoughts and my mind starts running evil scenarios through my head. From this moment to my response there is a delay stretch, that seemed to have lengthen with time. I allow myself to really feel the anger, yet, in some way, to nurture it.

In this video, the Zen teacher, Thicht Nhat Hanh, (interviewed by Ram Das) describes the way of handling anger "as a mother holding her baby". This profound way of the fragility and delicacy we are to treat our internal fire with, may bring a fresh breeze into the heated moments.



A few days ago I was washed by anger in the midst of a happy occasion. A couple of my students arrived late to the Dojo's third anniversary party, and therefore were not able to participate in a demonstration that was presented by all the students and instructors of the Dojo. I was angry. Externalizing my feelings would have brought the party to its end. I chose to allow myself some time with it. Bringing some compassion and softness into the surface helped me turn this energy into good laughs and a quiet lesson for my students.

Photograph by Roger Hoffmann